Maximum MAGA Reached!

Last week, I hit maximum MAGA capacity. I liken the feeling to the time during seventh grade when I was staring at a boy I thought was cute. Everything was going okay. I was  walking the perimeter of the basketball court with a group of friends, when I looked over and caught the eye of…

Blowing Hard

Most people have heard of the disappearance of the fishing boat named, “Andrea Gail”, whose captain’s last words to the crew were believed to have been, “She’s comin’ on boys, and she’s a comin’ on strong!” Famed writer Sebastian Junger immortalized the story in his book, “The Perfect Storm”. The 1991 Halloween Nor’Easter has been…

Shit Show

The old idiom goes, “It takes one to know one”. So let me present myself as America’s leading authority on shit shows. My credentials include the following three instances which are all 100% true. And I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that only one of these happened while I was inebriated. I managed…

The Courage of Our Convictions

The first time I employed the courage of my convictions I was in 6th grade. It involved a bathroom pass and a bad case of the shits. My teacher at the time, who shall remain nameless, refused to allow me the use of said bathroom pass. Even though I followed the proper procedure – i.e….

Narcissism, Thy Name is Trump

I was recently asked, “What does it feel like to be an American living through the Trump Administration?” My instinctual response was, “exhaustion”. It feels like exhaustion. As though you’re running an uphill marathon, while carrying a giant, anthropomorphic pumpkin – that is clearly in excess of 239 pounds – who is constantly screaming blatant…